Dear Dr. Del Rio, Every time my ex-husband drops off our son he uses our exchange as an opportunity to begin an argument. The last time he dropped him off, he began by questioning me on why my outfit looked so sexy for work. He accused, “Why are you all perfumed-up and wearing those sexy clothes? You must be F*$#@ing somebody at work! I knew it!” What am I supposed to do? Our son witnesses this every time we exchange him. He ends up crying. Help me… Attacked Divorcee Dear Attacked Divorcee, First, I applaud you for recognizing a pattern of behavior that is not healthy for your son to witness or conducive for a loving divorce. What I would recommend trying is practicing de-escalating responses that stop an argument dead-in-its-tracks. The practiced response should deescalate, redirect the conversation, and create a consistent new boundary. It may look something like this: “I can hear the anger you are feeling and I will do what I can to support you during this time. However, I refuse to have conversations like these in front of our son. If you need to have these questions responded to, please text them to me and I will respond with answers that I believe are appropriate and conducive to peaceful co-parenting.” Dear Dr. Del Rio, I have been married 11yrs, I think it was a mistake too late to back away from. so now yrs later im miserable, and have a son now. , Husb. seems to think he can control every aspect of our lives,financially,things,everything but what we feel inside.., I dont know how about to go for divorce, what would you recommend or how would I even begin , we live like roommates, theres no intimacy,love,or respect for who i am, hes made me feel lower than low, so i ask, what do i do now.. thank you... Dear Longing for Happiness, I believe many women have experienced the same feelings you reflected in your consulting request and seeking divorce to free yourself from being overly controlled and disrespected is a natural action to take. Getting a legal divorce is as simple as filing paperwork, either through a lawyer or through a service that provides the paperwork for much less money, such as "We the People". Normally the cost for the paperwork and processing adds-up to be around $500.00 - $1,000.00, without a lawyer. The tough part, for most women who have been under the pressure of a controlling husband, will be telling him your turned-in divorce papers and protecting your son through this process (the first 6 months are the most challenging). It can be very scary. If you feel scared, having friends, family, or police present maybe the safest route, as well as requesting them to stay with you for a while until things cool-down. In my book, The Loving Divorce, I provide several strategies for communicating with an angry past spouse and provide a multitude of strategies for protecting children from the stress of a divorce. One major recommendation is to make sure your son is not in the home or near you, if you choose to tell your husband over the phone. protecting your son during the emotional rollercoaster of divorce is a primary objective. I hope this guides you. Please be safe and protect yourself and your son. Live the life you've imagined - Thoreau! Please feel free to contact me with further inquiries.